Have y’all seen the movie “Hall Pass”? Well I haven’t, but I’ve seen the previews and the premise of the movie is very similar to the current situation I am in at this exact moment…Except instead of hanging out at a bar drinking with my buddies while surrounded by beautiful women, I’m actually at the house writing blog entries while surrounded by a tremendously hyper dog and an old cat.
Tomorrow, one of Shelley’s cousins is getting married in San Diego, so she flew out this morning to attend the wedding with her mother, and left me here at home with an unspoken “hall pass” to do whatever I want (as long as it doesn’t include any kind of general fun). But the jokes on her, because I am having an outrageous evening! Brace yourself, my friends, because you’re about to go with me on a wild ride!
After I dropped off my beautiful bride at the airport this morning, I drove back home and let the dog out before I took a long nap so I could be fully energized for the night to come (I slept part of the way without my CPAP sleep mask because, yea…I’m THAT crazy). After I woke up, I took me a long and relaxing shower, shaved, and headed out to Supercuts to hang with one of my girls, Michelle (by “hang”, I mean getting my haircut). Looking fresh and hip with my incredibly sexy haircut, I took the drive out to Barton Creek Mall. You heard me right. That’s down in Westlake, people. That’s like the best mall in town! Because I’m so smooth, I found a parking space right up front next to Dillard’s, and Lids happened to be right there around the corner close to the Banana Republic.
If you need a break from all this excitement, feel free to do so now. I’ll wait.
Back? OK great. So I creep right into Lids and go straight to the section with all the baseball teams, and I pull out a sweet Rangers ball cap and it fits perfectly. Many of you already know that I have a hard time finding the perfect hat because my head is weirdly shaped and only certain hats look good on me, but this one did. So after I tried on a handful of others to make sure this was the right cap, I went ahead and purchased this bad boy. If that weren’t enough, I said “screw it”, and I renewed my membership card because for only $5, I get special members only offers and this year I’m totally gonna take advantage of that sweetness. Because of my naturally rebellious nature, I went ahead and refused to have the guy put the purchase in a bag and I walked strutted out of that store wearing it because nothing enhances a great haircut more than putting on a fresh new ball cap. On my way out, I came across a sunglasses kiosk nestled in between the AT&T stand and the place that sells remote control helicopters and I didn’t hesitate to stop. I found myself an ultra swish pair of shades and the dude working there said I could get another pair for the unbelievable price of $22.50! Hell, the one pair itself was $17, so how can I say no to getting a second pair for an extra $5.50? That’s just crazy talk!
Man…by that time it was only 8:00 and already I had a fresh haircut, a new Rangers cap, and not one, but TWO brand new pair of glades.
I should probably stop here and continue this later, because it’s late and you need to get to bed, but you’re on the edge of your seat and you want more, so I’ll continue.
I walked on out of that mall swimming in awesomeness and by the looks I was getting by those teenage girls, it was pretty obvious I was fly like a rock star. I almost went into Brookstone, and then maybe the LEGO store, but it was time for me to get the hell on because a man’s gotta eat. As part of my “hall pass” I get to eat wherever I want and no woman’s gonna tell me where I can or can’t go! There were so many choices and I started to text Shelley to ask for suggestions, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m gonna drive out to Wells Branch and get me some Bill Miller BBQ. Hell yea, people. I ain’t no sissy going to SuperSalads or something lame like that, I’m eating ribs tonight! (Also the dog loves it when I have ribs because that means he gets to eat good too). So 45 minutes later, I’m standing in line looking intently at the menu when I finally see it like a beacon in the night…the rib plate for $7.25. Yea that comes with THREE sides! And right underneath it, I see something that literally made my jaw drop…rib plate PLUS one additional meat for $9.45. Am I dreaming?? Are you gonna tell me with a straight face that I can get another meat of my choice for only $2.20 more? No doubt homey, bring it on. I’ll take brisket. But not just ordinary brisket, I want the moist stuff. They call it “marble”. I pay the lady and of course I have to wait a good 5 minutes for my food, but that’s all cool and the gang because I had 2 games of Words with Friends going so, whatever.
Flash forward to an hour later and the dog and I are chowing down on our voluptuous meaty goodness while watching TIVO recordings of last season’s NCIS. By now, it’s already 11:00, so it’s time to go ahead and start winding down. That’s when I sit down to write this blog. It’s now 12:30, but I don’t care. Even though I have another big day tomorrow, I may go ahead and stay up another 30 minutes or so. I can’t promise anything, my friends, but I may wash the truck (inside and out), get some laundry done, and even make it to Target for some screen protectors for my iPhone (but I don’t know about that just yet, I may not have the time). I think I’m just not gonna plan anything and see where the day takes me. I’m pretty spontaneous like that. I may get really stupid and get me some Hooter’s wings while I watch the Texas game. Again, I can’t promise you anything. You’re just gonna have to wait until tomorrow night to hear what adventures I get myself into. Until then, my loyal readers (I think I may have actually dropped back to 9), have a good night. Sweet dreams!