Worst Business Advice Ever: 10 Ways to Lose Money in Business

In a previous post, I talked a lot about the business adventures I’ve been involved in. While I’ve had some tremendously brilliant ideas, I’m not always good at putting them to practice. I like to blame it on bad luck (buying riding lawn mowers in bulk to resell just before the worst drought in Texas history hit and everybody’s lawn died), but the truth is I have been known to outright make poor business decisions. If you’re looking for good business advice, you’re reading the wrong blog. I can, however, share with you some excellent tips if you have a strong desire to lose some of your hard earned money. Because I love you, my loyal readers (all 4 of you), I now give you 10 ways to lose money in business.

10. Don’t follow up with potential clients. If they say “call me back in one week when I get paid”, they’re probably lying. Don’t waste the two minutes it will take to call back or write an email asking if they are still interested.

9. Take advantage of buying inventory in bulk even though you will only actually sale five units. $200 is a great price for 350 infant onesies. That’s like 57 cents each and you’ll make a killing on the order of three you just received.

8. When negotiating, the other guy always has the upper hand. If you want $50 for a watch that is clearly worth $75, go ahead and accept an offer of $40 because, what the hell, you’re only losing $10.

7. Trust the guy that is offering you a deal that seems too good to be true. “I know these riding lawn mowers are worth $600 each, but I’m going to sell you all 8 for $1,000!”

6. Make business decisions based on emotion rather logic. You’ve always wanted an iPod Touch, so go ahead and trade a fully functional laptop for it (even though the laptop is worth twice as much).

5. Spend money on marketing that no one will ever see. It’s just fun to spend hours in Adobe creating a logo for your business and it’s totally worth it to print out 1,500 flyers at Kinkos even though they will sit in a box under your bed while you lose interest and move onto your next venture.

4. Overhead is irrelevant when quoting a price for service. Receiving payment of $200 to deliver a couch to a client in Houston is fantastic, even though it cost $180 in gas to make the trip.

3. Go ahead and spend your money before you make it. Hell yea we’re going out tonight! It’s fine to spend the money because my potential customer said to call him back next week when he gets paid.

2. Take on more work than you can handle and then overpay workers to help you get it done quickly. Who cares that you only profited $50 on a large landscaping job that took two days to complete. You made $50!

And finally…The absolute best way to lose your hard earned money…

1. Liquidate because you really need the cash to go out tonight. If you paid top dollar for merchandise that you absolutely can’t move to save your life, sell it for at least half of what you paid. At least it’s off your hands and you have cash in your pocket!

 

***If these reasons don’t offer good enough advice on how to lose your money, or you feel you should be able to lose your money faster, please feel free to send me your money. I need the cash because I’m going out tonight! OK…I’ll wait for you to get paid next week. ***

 

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I’m an Entrepreneur

I’m an entrepreneur…a really bad one. I’ve had my hands in so many different ventures, I could probably write a book. True, it would be a book about how to lose money and no one would want that advice, but I could totally do it. I’ve been involved in network marketing, eBay sales, had weekly garage sales, set up a costume jewelry booth on South Congress, and even tried my hand in landscaping. I started a t-shirt business called Alfonzo T-shirts & Designs (ATD), a resale shop called Rob’s Resale, and a multimillion dollar firm called Intellicorp with my buddy Raymond (Multimillion dollar idea anyway…To be fair, we didn’t have the funding, and also Raymond’s wife won’t let him play on the weekends or in the evenings, so he was only available during work hours when we were at work). I bought a heat press and started making mouse pads and tote bags and picture tees and called it Family Pride, and I also started a delivery service called Centex Moves. Every one of these undertakings proved to be a bust, but I did take something from each, so I suppose they weren’t complete failures. My personal favorite project was when I got involved in storage unit auctions (Yes, I was buying storage lockers before buying storage lockers was cool!). This was honestly the most fun I’ve had while trying to make a quick buck. If you have a couple of thousand dollars to spend at an auction and a large warehouse to store your loot, this business is a sure winner. Unfortunately, I have neither at the moment, so I will refrain from going to another auction until the next time I come into a great deal of money that I want to turn around and lose in a short period of time. When that day comes, I’ll elaborate more on how I choose a unit and will post pictures and provide details about what I found and how much money I made (or lost). Until then, off to my next endeavor. This time I’m taking pictures in a Speedo and making a 2012 calendar for all you ladies. Supplies are limited so you might want to pre-order one before they’re gone!

Coming soon… 10 ways to lose money in business

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Day 1: Life of Rob

Through the encouragement of my dear wife, Shelley, I’ve decided it’s time to start my own blog. I don’t know exactly where I’m going with it, but it doesn’t matter, because no one knows it’s here. I have to admit I’m a little nervous about this. For one thing, I am notoriously introverted and it’s pretty rare that I let anyone into my sick mind. I am terribly scared to share my thoughts because I am extremely sensitive to what people think about me and I am horrible about beating myself up for things I’ve said or done. I am still mad at myself for saying certain things in the 6th grade!

Regardless, here it is. This is me…Rob. All of me. I am full of contradictions. I am a nerd. I strive to be the cool kid, although it almost never works out for me. I have a super inflated ego and I really do believe I am destined for greatness (although I’m a born loser). I’ve never been good at thinking on my feet and problem solving means ignoring the issue and hope it goes away. My boss has threatened to fire me a half a dozen times or more, yet he keeps me on because he believes in me and says I am “not as dumb as I look”. Thanks Ben! I’m a music snob. I can’t just listen to anything on the radio. A song or an album has to really touch me deep in my soul before it can make it on my iPod. Glee makes me nauseous. So does YMCA. I can’t bring myself to do the arm motions because I feel like an idiot and also I hate following the crowd.

Why, you ask, am I starting a blog, if I don’t like following the crowd? Good question. Hence the ever growing contradictions that is the life of Rob. Welcome to my world.

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